october 29th, 2018 — 3:01 am.
though the moon is envisioned appearing in the night,
a light illuminates the darkest of thoughts that only arrive when my mind can not fathom stargazing without you.
although the forest stays dim and silent,
it engulfs my mind with the violent flames i’ve come to love.
the same ones you love.
well, maybe not love,
but at least the burn only hurts when we want it too.
the heat helps us feel alive,
so whenever we turn on the burner
former thoughts of a dead past become existent.
sometimes we don’t mind watching our hands char.
we ratify what mortifies us.
as i stare at the stars,
how something miles away can seem so close,
yet so far.
it’s obscure, isn’t it?
i’m unsure of where you are amongst my world.
it’s like you’re there. i can see you. i can feel you. i can love you.
but you aren’t. i can’t get close to you. i can’t touch you. i can’t love you.
and these trees know that. they’ve comforted me through their whistling whispers providing a tune that you have not produced for me.
the same songs that i’ve sung to you.
serenity is not destiny,
and happiness is not guaranteed,
but sweetheart i promise that if you lay down in this grass with me,
you’ll be freed.
we could climb the pines and stare at the ripples
while pretending that every movement was created by the stars that formed directly above us.
with every silent dance the water cultivates,
i will be memorizing the way that the moon hits your face.
and those darkest of thoughts will become brighter than the burners that desecrates our realities.
i’d rather set the dead ablaze while replacing my hate for me
with a love for you.
and maybe you’ll want that too.
you’ll want that too.
i know those say find yourself before you find another,
but what if i see myself in yourself,
and i’ve realized i don’t want any other?
what if finding yourself is a vain attempt to justify egoism?
or what if vanity is true reality?
what if our existence is meaningless and meaningful
collaborating to confuse society’s collective notion that we can only choose one side.
what if the beauty of the forest is that it’s neither good nor bad.
it just is.
what if the beauty of the sky is that it’s neither light nor dark.
it just is.
because, sweetheart, if we’re all we got
while simultaneously being not enough,
i’d rather it be you and me
neither good nor not enough
you and me.