fear personified.

where shall we go that we haven’t already gone before? my entity floats entirely around the ounces of stale crackers that instilled hope in me every summer.

the birds were as free as us.

bound by the ties of our dependency, illusions of liberty was what we strived for. “manipulate me”, our subconscious’ screamed. for we were all sinners needing to be freed.

from volleyball, to tubing, to kayaking in root-beer — you were the reason.
from cabin wars, to pranks, to winning all the games — you were the focus.
from new friends, to crushes, to the blossom of virgin hearts — you were the purpose.

I remember devin snorting smarties when the counselors weren’t looking.
I remember dale dressing as hitler for a historical figure costume contest.
I remember david fingering the pastor’s daughter behind the gym.

it was all for you.

seven summers was all it took for my soul to long for a savior…supposedly.

where are you when the smoke clears, but a collection of fabricated moments mended to formulate a narrow version of me.

a narrow version of life.
a narrow version of love.
a narrow version of all.

I raised my hand in worship. we all did.

I still grasp to the hope that one day, we’ll make it out of this world alive. clasped to the perseverance it took to justify your ideology, you’ll come to know that I’m the faithless kind. and yet, I’m still not all out of mine.

for you are nothing more than fear personified,,,